


i end up losing my way every time

by mikararinna



Series: hyunghyuk bingo ♡ [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Amnesia, HHBingo, How Do I Tag, HyungHyuk Bingo, M/M, Memory Loss, Past Relationship(s), Sad, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 06:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikararinna/pseuds/mikararinna
Summary: It felt as if he was chasing after an invincible thread. Every day he woke up to make new memories but ended up introducing his name over and over again.





	i end up losing my way every time

"Is this seat taken?" Minhyuk's head raised slightly to look at the newcomer. The glasses he was wearing drooped lowly on the bridge of his nose. He fixed it, pushing the glasses upwards so he could have a better sight of the person before him.

Minhyuk's mouth opened slightly when he looked at the other male, gaping at him silently as he blinked. He almost forgotten that the male had asked him a question that he still didn't reply. Minhyuk pulled himself awake from the trance and shook his head at the male.

"No," Minhyuk replied. "You can sit here."

The other male smiled as he pulled the chair beside Minhyuk and took a seat. He placed his bagpack underneath the table after taking out his notebook and pens. He pushed his dyed silver hair back, his fingers tapping impatiently on the desk. Minhyuk stared at him throughout this all. The class wouldn't start in another 15 minutes, Minhyuk thought it wouldn't harm him to start a conversation with the newcomer.

"I'm Minhyuk," Minhyuk said, introducing himself to the other male.

The other turned to look at hm, seemingly surprise that Minhyuk wanted to start a conversation with him. "I'm Hyungwon." The other introduced himself.

Minhyuk nodded his head. "I've never notice you in this class before?"

Hyungwon smiled sheepishly, playing with the charms dangling from his bracelet. "Ah yes, it's actually my first day into a semester." He said. "I was in an accident earlier this year."

"Oh," Minhyuk mumbled. "I'm assuming that you've fully recovered?"

Hyungwon shrugged his shoulders. "Partially," he muttered under his breath.

"Well, this isn't an easy class. I hope you can manage to keep up." Minhyuk commented, starting up his laptop to jot down notes when the lecturer came in.

"I'll try," Hyungwon said, picking up his pen from the desk. "I hope you can help me out with the previous classes."

"Sure." Minhyuk replied, grinning. "Like your bracelet by the way."

Hyungwon returned a smile. "Thanks, it was a gift."

 

 

  
Hyungwon sighed as he leaned against the airplane seat. It wasn't first class so it wasn't as comfortable. But it was only a short flight from Jeju to Seoul he would make do. His eyes blinked sleepily, ready to fall asleep into a deep slumber before the plane took off. He had almost disassociate with the world when he heard rustling beside him. Hyungwon opened an eye and turned to look as his seatmate made himself comfortable in his seat.

The seatmate noticed Hyungwon's eyes on him and smiled softly. "Huh. I guess we're sitting with each other today."

Hyungwon arched an eyebrow at this but didn't bother to make any further movements. "I'm Lee Minhyuk!" His seatmate said, voice so cheerful and grin so blinding.

"Um, Chae Hyungwon?" Hyungwon answered hesitantly.

He thought that the conversation would end there but Minhyuk obviously had other plans. The other male made himself comfortable by lowering his seat and leaning against it. "So, Jeju huh?" Minhyuk said. "Here for a trip?"

Hyungwon shrugged his shoulders. "Sort of," He replied. He couldn't remember why he was in Jeju in the first place. He just thought he needed to find a place to relax and unwind.

Minhyuk nodded his head. "I'm here for a college assignment." He said. "Can't believe I need to fly all the way to Jeju to pass one class. But that's college for you. I barely even finish that assignment."

"College sounds nice." Hyungwon said. Minhyuk looked at him curiously.

Hyungwon fidgeted in his seat. He didn't know why he was so comfortable revealing parts of his life to a complete stranger. But maybe the thought of when he landed back in Seoul and he wouldn't cross paths with Minhyuk again made it seem reassuring. Seoul was a big city. He would never meet a same stranger twice. It was fine if Minhyuk knew, because he still didn't know Hyungwon fully.

"I left college a long time ago." Minhyuk hummed in understanding. "I dropped out."

"That sounds nice too," Minhyuk replied, smiling.

"Does it?" Hyungwon asked.

Minhyuk nodded his head, his legs swinging like a little child but not wild enough to kick the seat before him. "Your choices are more open now. You don't have to stick to certain things. You have more freedom for yourself. It's fun."

Hyungwon snorted. "The people around me don't think so though."

"Does it matter?" Minhyuk asked. "You're happy right now, right? Isn't that more important than other's opinions."

Hyungwon pursed his lips in thought. Minhyuk was right about that. He might be a college dropout but that didn't mean he was unhappy. He felt happier than when he was in college despite not really remembering his time there. College was mediocre. It was okay to Hyungwon. He didn't think college was the thing for him. Perhaps he was better without college. He did knew a few people who succeeded in life without ever going to college.

"Maybe you're right." Hyungwon replied and Minhyuk smile widened.

"I always am." He said.

Hyungwon didn't know he could find the answers he needed with a stranger who sat beside him on the flight back home. The answer he was looking for by travelling and running away from everything was just right there, beside him.

 

 

  
Minhyuk was busy arranging the freshly baked goods inside the display cases when the bell on top of the door chimed softly, signalling a new customer. He let himself arrange the last few pieces of cinnamon bread before greeting the customer. He straightened up his back, lips curled up into his signature customer service smile to greet the new customer. His smile turned more genuine and joyous when he noticed the familiar face.

"You came back!" He said brightly.

The customer arched an eyebrow at him. He looked thoroughly confused at this but Minhyuk smile never faltered. "Can I get you today's special?"

"Um, sure, I guess?" The customer replied.

Minhyuk grabbed a brown paper bag from the shelf and crouched down in front of the display case. He put in two pieces of cinnamon bread he just placed inside the display case, still fresh and warm. Minhyuk walked towards the cash register, the customer following him from the other side of the counter. He rung up the customer's order and handed him the paper bag.

"Fresh out of the oven, best have with a cup of hot coffee. Oh, wait here!" Minhyuk said, turning around and working the coffee machine.

He pressed the different buttons on the machine and waited as liquid flow out into the cup underneath. When the machine had stopped, Minhyuk took the steaming cup of coffee and closed it with a lid. He turned around and was happy to see the customer still waiting for him at the counter.

"Thanks for waiting. Have this, it's on the house." Minhyuk said, handing the cup of coffee to the customer.

The customer took it, eyeing it for a long time before looking at Minhyuk again. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Minhyuk smiled at him. "Thank you," he said and turned to leave.

"You're welcome." Minhyuk whispered softly. "Have a nice day, Hyungwon!" He yelled out when Hyungwon's hand reached out to push the door open.

Hyungwon's eyes widen. "How did you-" He turned to ask but Minhyuk was already busy attending another customer. He frowned. "How did you know my name?"

 

 

  
"Excuse me sir, but I believe you drop this?" Minhyuk said, tapping on the male's shoulder.

The male turned around to look. Minhyuk held out his hand, a bracelet placed safely in his palm. "Oh," The male mumbled, glancing at his wrist. "I must have forgotten to hook it properly."

"You should be careful. The bracelet looks important to you." Minhyuk commented.

"Thank you." The male replied, nodding his head as he took the bracelet from Minhyuk's hands.

"You're welcome," Minhyuk said. He watched as the male turned around and continued on his walk. His back got further away until it disappeared from Minhyuk's sight.

"Until when are you going to do this?" Minhyuk looked to his side. Kihyun was bundled up in his coat and scarf. He blew on his freezing fingers before hiding it in his coat pocket, away from the harsh weather.

"What do you mean?" Minhyuk asked him.

Kihyun scoffed. "Don't pretend you don't know anything, Minhyuk. It's been two years, until when are you going to keep this up? Doesn't it get tiring?"

Minhyuk sighed as he looked ahead. The hot air from his breath puffed out into the cold winter in swirls. "It's been two years huh?" He mumbled.

"Please don't change the subject."

"What do you expect me to do Kihyun?"

Kihyun shrugged his shoulders. "Anything but this, I guess."

Minhyuk's lips twisted into a tight smile. He played with the little charms dangling from his bracelet. The road was empty today, saved for the snow slowly piling up. Minhyuk stared at the pathway the male he returned the bracelet to had took. There was no one there except the footprints left behind. A sign that he had been there previously. Only a simple reminder that would soon disappear when the snow started piling up again.

"It hurts," Minhyuk replied after a while. "But there is nothing else I can do."

"There's a lot of other things you can do." Kihyun said. He looked hesitant, thinking hard on his words as he fidgeted around. "Maybe- maybe you should start thinking on moving on?"

Minhyuk sighed. He sound tired, dejected maybe. There was a lot of solution. One of them being the one Kihyun suggested. But he wasn't ready. Didn't think he would ever be. "I have to go." he said.

"You're not thinking of going there, are you?" Kihyun asked but Minhyuk had already walked ahead. He waved a hand at Kihyun without turning to look. The smaller male could only sigh hopelessly.

Minhyuk walked on the snowy pathway. He glanced at his surrounding, the bare trees now occupied with thick layers of snow. There were fairy lights strung around some of them, most probably the locals' doing. When he walked further ahead he could see children running around, having snowball fights. Minhyuk smiled to himself. He would have join them if he didn't already have plans.

The neighbourhood was lively. Children playing around, parents looking over them with mugs of hot cocoa and couples too, having fun enjoying the snow. The atmosphere was good. Minhyuk's smile turned sad. He wished he could experience the liveliness as well.

Minhyuk walked up the front porch of someone's house. He heaved out a deep breath before pressing the doorbell. It took a while, some noises muffled behind the door before the door was opened by an elder woman. She looked surprised at first before her face bloomed into a smile.

"You came." She said, sounding surprised but happy all the same.

"It would be rude of me to not show up when you've already invite me." Minhyuk replied.

The elder woman pulled him into a short hug. "Come on in," she said before letting him go and making way for him to enter.

Minhyuk's eyes couldn't help but roamed the interior of the house. It was just as how Minhyuk remembered it. Framed pictures hanged on the living room walls, beige-coloured couch in the middle of the room. Everything smelt like fresh wood and cinnamon. Everything smelt like home, felt like home. He took a seat on the couch, his body sinking comfortably.

"He's not home?" Minhyuk asked despite knowing the answer for it.

"He went out for a walk," An elder male said. He was lounging on the loveseat when the same middle-aged woman came in with a tray of drinks. "He said something about the nice weather and wanted to walk around." She continued.

The front door clicked open. "I'm home!" a voice yelled out. "I didn't know we have a guest over, Ma."

A young male emerged into the living room. He looked as if he was in his late 20s. There was eye bags visible under his eyes but it wasn't as prominent. Most of his brown locks were hidden inside a blue beanie. His eyes were droopy. He looked sleepy, tired even. But there was still a small smile grazing his face. His eyes fell upon Minhyuk, looking partially surprise at the male's appearance in his house.

"Oh, you were from earlier!" He exclaimed.

"Hello," Minhyuk greeted him with a smile of his own.

"Hyungwon, this is Minhyuk." His mother said. She looked at Minhyuk. Her eyes were sad, her face coloured in a twinge of pain. "He's a friend." she continued hesitantly. Minhyuk could only form a thin smile.

"Well then, hello. I'm Hyungwon, the eldest son." Hyungwon said. "If you're a friend, why have I never seen you before?"

His mother was about to reply before he was cut off by Minhyuk. "I live in Seoul. I rarely visit Gwangju. Your parents and mine are acquaintances, we're close. I stop by here for the holidays." he explained.

Hyungwon nodded his head. "It makes sense." he replied. "I'll just go and wash up first. I'll join you guys later." he said and disappeared upstairs. Minhyuk watched his faded silhouette just like he did earlier today. He sighed sadly.

"He doesn't remember, does he?" Minhyuk asked out loud.

There was a still silence.

"No, he doesn't." Hyungwon's father answered him.

Minhyuk sighed again. "I expected as much." he turned to look at them. They looked just as sullen as he was. "Well, it was just as what the doctors said. He would never remember anything after today."

"I wish we could have try harder."

"Even if we did, there would be no difference." Minhyuk said. He looked at the bracelet dangling around his wrist and played with the charms. The initials M and H that felt cold in Minhyuk's touch. "Maybe this my punishment."

"What are you talking about Minhyuk? You have been nothing but helpful. You tried to help him with his memory training. Looked after him and so on." Hyungwon's mother said.

"Yeah but that accident, it happened because of me." Minhyuk exhaled shakily. "Two years ago, if Hyungwon and I didn't had that stupid fight we probably wouldn't end up here."

"Some things happen, you know? You couldn't put the blame on yourself." Hyungwon's father said.

"I know but I still know that it's my fault. All the things he could forget and he chose to wipe me out of his memories permanently. I tried my best but each time I found a way for him to create new memories of us, I just came back disappointed. He really doesn't want me a part of his life anymore huh." Minhyuk replied bitterly. He didn't want the emotions to overwhelm him but it was a futile attempt.

"He still wears the matching bracelet you both have every day,"

"He thinks it's a gift from someone but he was the one who bought it for us." Minhyuk said.

It was the last thing Minhyuk ever got from Hyungwon. Before the fight, before the accident. Before the doctor said the younger had Anterograde amnesia, where he couldn't form new memories after the event. Funnily enough, he also couldn't remember a Lee Minhyuk in his life. It was as if Minhyuk had never existed in Hyungwon's life before the accident.

But even after many failed attempts at trying to make Hyungwon remember a Lee Minhyuk or tried to make new memories, happy ones where Minhyuk was there, Hyungwon never failed to wear their matching bracelets. It was the last reminder of their relationship in which Minhyuk doubted Hyungwon realized that. It was fine for Minhyuk though. At least a part of Hyungwon's memory of Minhyuk stayed with him.

Minhyuk glanced down at his wrist, watched as the silver bracelet caught onto the ceiling lights. He smiled to himself. "Maybe there is a little bit of hope left."

**Author's Note:**

> the bingo ended months ago and this is long overdue but I still had the freedom to post after the bingo ends and since 2018 is ending anyway I thought, eh why not. this is my last square and also the hardest one for me to write. too much ideas, too little time :/
> 
> hope you liked it <3


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